i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
