The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
