u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
