problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
