Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My liver just had a heart attack.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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