She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
