i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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