the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
