When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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