closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
