Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
