oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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