We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
