I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
