you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
