we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
