Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
