I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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