ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
