My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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