Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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