so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
