Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
