This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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