I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
