so explain again why im purple
no
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
