Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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