Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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