So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
