Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
