there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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