woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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