if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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