If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
