got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
