she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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