why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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