i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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