he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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