I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
