there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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