guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
