You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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