i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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