I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i think i just lost a toe
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