Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
