Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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