Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
