woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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