Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
