Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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