Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am one with the molecules
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
