I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
