so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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