My friends, they love my intelligence
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
