I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
