her vagine was all disorganized.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
