i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
