hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
