think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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