All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
